My friends, studies have shown that social anxiety is the third largest psychological disorder in the U.S. behind depression and alcoholism. That means that millions and millions of people are battling self-judgement, feelings of inadequacy, and are avoiding social situations altogether because of it. I’m one of those people who seems really confident and it might be hard to imagine that in the past I would often go home after parties playing scenes from the night over and over in my head and telling myself that I was embarrassing, stupid, and that “I probably need to move because I can never see those people ever again!” Sound familiar? You aren’t alone. If this something that is severely affecting your quality of life, I urge you to go talk to a mental health professional. In the meantime, here are some things that have helped me put a lid on these kinds of destructive thoughts.
The first step in overcoming the problem is understanding it. Social anxiety is deeply rooted in your subconscious. Embedded in your subconscious are all of your memories and experiences, many of which you won’t be able to recall right now…but your subconscious doesn’t forget! It’s been studiously filing them all away since before you were born. And your subconscious mind, your emotional mind, drives your behavior. This is why it’s almost impossible to will yourself into feeling calm, relaxed, and positive when you feel anxiety creeping in. You can use logic until the cows come home. “These are my friends! These people have better things to do than to judge me.” But that just doesn’t work, does it? Your conscious mind and your logic are no match for your feelings.
Your body thinks it’s being physically attacked. You’ve probably heard of your body’s “Fight of Flight” stress response. If you happen to find yourself being threatened, your body will ramp up a response meant to protect you. Adrenaline and norepinephrine are released into your body, your heart rate and breathing increase, your blood vessels constrict, and your muscles tighten. That’s great if you’re being attacked by a bear. But the problem is that your mind and body react the same way to a perceived threat, as well. So once your subconscious makes the connection in your brain that socializing is scary and bad, it will try to protect you. That’s the rub. When you start to panic and the anxiety and self- doubt start flooding in, your subconscious thinks it’s protecting you! This is the root of the problem. The challenge and the key is to find ways to interrupt this response and to create new, positive pathways in its place.
Practice the skills of relaxation and deep breathing. Meditation, deep breathing, and self-hypnosis can all be super effective. In fact, they can be life changing. But the key here is to incorporate this as a regular part of your life. If you only try to meditate, breathe deeply, or if you throw on a self-hypnosis download when you’re already buzzing with anxiety, it won’t work well, if at all. In order for this to work, you need to train your body and brain to respond accordingly. And I do mean train. Have you tried to meditate? If you have, you know that you didn’t exactly transcend space and time the first time you tried. All of these techniques help you to create new pathways and emotional connections so find a quiet time, daily if you can, in a space where you feel safe, and start the process. The effects are cumulative so keep it up. It’s worth it! And hey, the “side effects” of this practice include lowering blood pressure, decreasing cortisol (the stress hormone), flooding your body with feelings of well-being, and probably extending your life a few years in the process.
Implement a physical anchor to help you re-write a pattern. Have you heard of “Tapping” as a self-soothing technique? It’s also called an Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT. It boils down to the idea that there are areas on your body that you can gently tap while repeating a calming phrase to yourself. This might sound a bit nuts, but hear me out. It’s a technique used in various forms of therapy and can be utilized directly by you, as well. Tapping is a very calming practice, though science doesn’t exactly know why. Acupuncturists say that you are simulating acupressure on your body’s “meridian points” and unblocking your “chi.” Many therapists and hypnotherapists will tell you that you are creating a physical “anchor”, which combined with deep breathing and a repetitive mantra, will help you re-write your emotional patterns. No matter what camp you subscribe to, tapping is widely accepted as an effective self-soothing method. There are specific points to tap such as on eyebrows, sides of your eyes, and your chin. Go ahead and google “tapping for anxiety” and you’ll get a huge amount of helpful information on how to start practicing this. And in case you’re wondering, the phrase that worked for me is, “I am free.”
Accept that you are doing this to yourself. This is a big one and it’s also the hardest to swallow. You are doing this to yourself. This is NOT meant to diminish the way you feel. The way you feel is important, real, and relevant. Your emotional mind, and therefore your body, want you to believe that you are under attack. You might feel like the world is set up to make you feel awful about yourself, but it’s not. All of these feelings, the cycle of physical responses and the anxiety, are all internally driven. Once you accept that you are creating this response, then you must also accept that you can control it. You have the power to change.
If you would like to find out about how hypnotherapy can help you take back control, please get in touch!